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How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It | 
 enlarge | Authors: Patricia Love, Steven Stosny
Publisher: Broadway
Category: Book
List Price: $14.99
Buy New: $8.47
You Save: $6.52 (43%)
New (30) Used (23) from $6.50
Rating:  68 reviews
Sales Rank: 8641
Media: Paperback
Pages: 240
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 7.7 x 5.1 x 0.8
ISBN: 0767923189
Dewey Decimal Number: 306
EAN: 9780767923187
ASIN: 0767923189
Publication Date: April 29, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| • | ISBN13: 9780767923187 | | • | Condition: New | | • | Notes: BUY WITH CONFIDENCE, Over one million books sold! 98% Positive feedback. Compare our books, prices and service to the competition. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed |
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Product Description
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and
Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
Love is not about better communication.
It's about connection.
You'll never get a closer relationship
with your man by talking to him like you
talk to one of your girlfriends.
Male emotions are like women's sexuality:
you can't be too direct too quickly.
There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines.
Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they has to act like a woman.
Talking makes women move closer;
it makes men move away.
The secret of the silent male is this:
his wife supplies the meaning in his life.
The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help.
Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?
Wife: “Honey, we need to talk about us.”
Husband: “Do we have to?”
Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart.
The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 68
 Indesputable logic ! ! ! This book is amazing ! :))) August 16, 2010
Marissa (St. George, UT USA)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
My fiance and i have been together for almost 2 years we are getting married next spring and we have a child on the way. Before we found out about the baby we were nearly ready to part ways but the baby gave us a reason to try a little harder. a few months down the road things had improved but we were still fighting and both wondering how we were ever going to make this work. I stumbled across an article about this book and mentioned it to my fiance. i explained a little about the book from what i read in the article and he said it sounded like something worth reading. this is amazing because he normally would NEVER in a million years resort to a self help book. The next day i went to Barnes and Noble and grabbed a copy. we spent the next week reading aloud to eachother and doing the exercises and giving eachother feedback...without getting defensive. He said he liked the book because it made him honestly evaluate himself in a non threatening way. Now ive seen some comments saying oh well why should i change how i do everything if hes not going to and just hope he'll change...please be detached enough to realize that this argument is prideful. The objective is to change your outlook to one more positive and more understanding not to force your partner to change or for you to change. you will still be you. Change is hard for everyone and this book is asking you to change not how you feel but how you respond to those feelings and to become aware of the cause of those feelings. men and women alike EVERY couple should read this book it has really been a huge turning point for us and for the first time in nearly a year we both have the confidence that we will make it. It is hard, we are still trying to get in the habbit of using these techniques but as i said even if your partner doesnt do it with you, just remember youre doing it to keep your own sanity and if your REALLY try and you REALLY force yourself through the discomfort and MAKE yourself start using these techniques within a few weeks you will notice that your partner is also starting to change unintentionally so because YOUR actions have given THEM the security and the reassurance that makes them want to give YOU the same in return. If you are calm and understanding...even if you dont agree with them, if you are calm and understanding they will want to return the favor and not because you nagged them or told them to or dropped a million hints, but because they feel connected to you and they want to make you happy. IT IS HARD ! ! ! these concepts are simple and rational...unfortunately simple does not mean easy... dont forget change is hard, its supposed to be...and to quote the book .....
"The only way out of pain in THROUGH it"
even still sometimes i feel emotionally exauseted and frustrated but every day i see how we are making so much progress and even though i want to cry alot of the time...because it really sucks to realize that you hurt someone your love especially if you didnt do it on purpose....i know that even if it takes 6 months of working these techniques before they become habbitual, once they are a habit all this time we spent feeling miserable will ultimately lead to the impossible... Happily ever after... because even when we do fight, we will instinctively try to understand and support eachother and regain our connection. ok im done ranting but really...this book is amazing, its hard work but its well worth every penny and every ounce of work involved. good luck everyone and remember to keep an open mind ! :)))
A Really Useful Book July 29, 2010
Dessislava Boneva (Georgia)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This is a rare book, in that it's truly helpful, wise, the advice rings true and is doable. It really highlights the negative behaviour we are all locked in and provides good insight and easy ways to change your thinking, reactions and hence your relationship. I reccommend this book highly.
 anti-woman "self-help" June 23, 2010
Elizabeth Stoney
13 out of 19 found this review helpful
I have read a lot of "relationship" books lately. 90% of them have the same problems: (1) they over-simplify male-female relationships; (2) there's a "schtick" that explains everything; and (3) they ignore the power imbalances in the patriarchal family/marriage/relationship.
This book is no exception. In some ways it's worse than average. I did a little research on Stosny and found out that he worked in a domestic violence program and was offended by the model that most domestic violence programs use. This is the Duluth model, which emphasizes protecting the victims from further harm and holding perpetrators accountable. Stosny thought that was "anti-male" and "sexist."
Domestic violence is not the subject of this book, but Stosny's anti-feminist bias shows. He basically says that women are mostly afraid and men are mostly ashamed, as if these two problems deserve equal consideration and priority. Women are afraid of physical harm. Men feel ashamed if somebody, especially their wives or girlfriends, disses them, even slightly. And criticizing them in any way activates their "shame" to an intolerable level. So sad.
He claims that they are born this way. ;-) Whereas women are born afraid.
I kind of notice that women are afraid because men attack, rape, and kill them. That seems like a more important problem to address than the terrible shame of having your wife say, "Honey, we need to talk." Seriously. Stosny says this is too shaming: never say it.
I also learned from his website that Stosny's antidote to everything, including domestic violence, is "compassion." He takes tough, angry men and tells them to visual the word "heal" flashing in front of their girlfriends' faces. This is supposed to stop the abuse! Ok, compassion is great, and I'm sorry that some men get mad because they feel dissed. But the idea that ALL abusers are really hurt little boys is quite dangerous. Many are incapable of compassion, and your compassion for them won't help them; it will likely just make it harder for you to protect yourself.
A dangerous, anti-woman book masquerading as a gentle self-help book.
 It actually makes sense May 26, 2010
Wires
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
I was skeptical about how helpful a book would be that claims to help you improve your marriage without talking about it but the techniques discussed really do make sense. Also, mine and my wife's roles seem to be reversed from the "typical" suggested in the book: I am the one that has to talk about things and she is the one who shuts down and avoids talking - so I wasn't sure if this book would be applicable to us. After I got about half way into it however, everything started to make sense. The idea that you need to first "connect" at emotional level using non-verbal methods (e.g. a touch or a smile) before attempting a verbal discussion, never occurred to me. This technique and others discussed in the book have made it much easier for me to focus on something other than just talking - which by itself hasn't worked.
Great book May 25, 2010
kev
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This books shows you a complete differnt way of looking at your marriage and yourself. I recomend it to anyone that is having marrage problems
Showing reviews 1-5 of 68
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